And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
false alarm, still single
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
