I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
