You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
