I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
