I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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