So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
