I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did i just pee glitter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
