i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
