NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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