i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
