this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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