So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
