We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
