remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
