is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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