So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
