I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
