I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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