You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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