the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize