Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
