"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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