We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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