at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
