I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
