my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
