i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
