Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
