you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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