at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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