I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
