I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
