ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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