so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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