You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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