we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize