I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
