At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
