i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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