I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have demons in me.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
