My friends, they love my intelligence
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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