I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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