i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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