good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
