tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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