Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
