she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my sisters under your porch take her home
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
