I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Never underestimate the power of titties
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