Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
3 2 1 whiskey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
