Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
