I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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