Farmville is her only friend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
