Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
