You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
