like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I party with great urgency now.
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