i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
