1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize