is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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