I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
