i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Are we still banned from the library?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
