I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
