She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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